“A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes” ……. Mahatma Gandi
Late yesterday afternoon I did a quick check-in on Twitter and saw that Adam Lambert would be coming up on the KISS concert in Boston. Great timing for me – I didn’t even know there was a KISS concert. I’m don’t know much about this radio live-streaming stuff. As I waited, I reflected on my fangirl experience and realized I’d learned a lot about being non-judgmental.
I believe I have basically always been non-judgmental in that I try to be open to anyone, no matter how odd that person seems at first or what he or she looks like. Others in my family tell me so – and that they operate from exclusion, not inclusion – they say so, not me. I’m the one that invites people to Thanksgiving when they have no where else to go, and at first my family was not happy. But I was cooking the dinner so I did it anyhow, and it turned out just fine. Still does. Why would we not include people if we are able to?
As I embarked upon my year-long study of fandom and started following other glamberts (fans of Adam Lambert) on Twitter, sometimes I’d think, That person is a little scary; why is that person so obsessed, or that person must be living in a fantasy world. As I prepared to go to Fantasy Springs for Adam’s first concert, I bought flashing antenae, which – face it – could be seen as more than a little weird. And, let’s face it again, I was being judgmental about something I had no real knowledge of. And I was a little bit scared. But I started to meet people, people I’d known only on Twitter, or whom I hadn’t even seen on Twitter.
This is what I found out. One woman, who seemed a little bitter and in need of attention, had experienced an unexpected divorce a year prior, right when Adam’s season of Idol began. She had no children and was adrift. This was giving her an anchor, at least until she sorted other things through. Others had simiilar situations. Some were just having fun. Some, like me, had just fallen in love with this wonderful man and felt fiercely protective and supportive. I didn’t think I was scary, obsessed or living in a fantasy world (although sometimes I’d like to). Why had I been feeling so judgmental?
And I found out this: I was one of those fangirls that could be seen as a little obsessed (but could we say focused instead of obsessed?). According to my previous thinking, I was just as scary as anyone else.
I remembered that one of my daughters likes the eHow I wrote on How to Control your Anger in Traffic better than any of the others. In that little article I said it wasn’t worth getting fussed at drivers who sped ahead, did something rude, because we didn’t know what was going on with them. Sure, they may be rude people, but they may be rushing to get to a hospital or a child, they may have had a horrible day, someone in the family may have died – we just don’t know. So how can we make judgments? Perhaps of an act, but not of a person. If I live by the premise I try to, that everyone is doing the best they can, where they are with what they have, I have to believe that the rude person is doing the same. I don’t have to like it or befriend that person, but there is it.
And this is what I found out, and have continued to see on twitter: the Glamberts are kind, generous, non-judgmental, inclusive, and caring. They are positive people.
And I realized this: Adam never says anything negative about anything or anybody. He’s a master of diplomacy, yet – that’s the way he is inside. He is always telling people to be positive, that being resentful is “so yesterday,” that entitlement “isn’t sexy,” and when his fans ask if he likes gifts from them, he says of course he does, but he’d be happy if people gave him receipts from charities they’d donated to instead. How can you not love this beautiful human being – beautiful inside and out – with an indescribable voice?
I guess like attracts like, and that’s why Adam has attracted such a large, loyal fan base that share his values. He sets a positive, non-judgmental, inclusive tone. When a Glambert -or – anyone – says something negative on twitter, that person hears about it – nicely, from other Glamberts.
Last night when being interviewed and asked about the fan gift thing, Adam said to donate to a charity and give him the receipt instead of a gift. He didn’t specify what charity. I tweeted to @glamulli to help spread the word about the fund drive I’m involved in to build the statue for Fannie Lou Hamer., seeing it as an opportunity to maybe bring in some money and shoulder my part of the fundraising effort. I said $10 a person would help even. And that I thought Adam would approve of this charity.
@Glamulli did retweet my request because Glamberts can count on the support of other Glamberts. It’s actually amazing. Already someone has tweeted she made a donation, and not for Adam this time, but because Fannie Lou Hamer needs to be “remembered and celebrated.”
I’ve not been successful getting many donations. A plea on facebook resulted in two. I’m guessing I’ll get more from Glamberts than any other source. It’s easy to donate on Fannie Lou Hamer.
So that’s my train of thought, my journey through judgment in the last few days, my belief that being inclusive is so much more positive than being exclusive. I’m glad I was reminded of it because since I am not a perfect person, I have to keep on striving. I hope I never become a perfect person – it would probably be boring – and it would end the journey, the climb. We’ve got to keep climbing until the very end, when we topple over into wherever it is we end up.
Benjamin Franklin said it well: “The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.”
And like Fannie Lou Hamer, celebrate the positive.
