I’m having a lazy day. I’m slowing down time. I’m just sitting around and I don’t really care. I came up to the cabin without my art stuff on purpose. I don’t want to do anything and I don’t want to think about anything. I’m watching the trees bend in the wind – I’d forgotten how much the pines sway in the wind – and you know, it takes lots of time to watch trees, if you’ve got the time. The blue jays are eating peanuts, the squirrel is trying to figure out how to get on the porch and steal those same peanuts, the chickadees are at the feeder, and the hummingbird is sipping nectar. In other words, everything is as it should be up at the cabin.
The cats like it up here – Tiger was even running around and playing! A very un-Tiger- like activity. When we’re at home, Lily is always trying to interest Tiger in a chase or a game, but Tiger gives a little growl and spat, turns up her nose and stalks off. Up here they play and sleep; however, to sleep each one takes a recliner and I can never bring myself to push one off. Cat’s do what they want. What’s time to a cat?
August 28, and I have the heat on. Even Bakersfield is cool today – 80. Last week it was 110, 107, 99 and 80 or something like that. Such extremes. (Hold on a minute – time for a glass of wine….ok, that’s better. A nice chianti classico.) It’s not TIME for cold weather, but nothing follows a pattern anymore.
So here I am, slowing down, lazing away, but one thing I did want to do was put together my Shutterfly album – Highlights of 2009. I’ve been doing these every year now for a while, although since I am never moderate, I have two volumes for each year, Part I and Part II. You might want to think about doing something like this. The way I see it, it’s a hedge against memory loss and old age. Something I can look at when I can’t do any of those things anymore. And I’ll have plenty of time to look.
So I put my 2009 photos on my flash drive, came up to the cabin, was loading them on, and they passed before my eyes, each one, fleetingly, as they downloaded.
It was literally time flying by. It was last year in a compressed version and there was a lot of it! Much more than there will be for 2010. I haven’t taken that many photos this year, for one. The move seems to have consumed everything, and then the amazingly good and horrible month of July finished me off, and now I don’t know where I am mentally.
It was also disconcerting to see how fast time could fly literally in front of my eyes, when of course my time is flying – all of our time is flying – and I don’t want to stop it necessarily, but I want it to last. I really want to live a very long time, several hundred years will be fine, but how can I think like that? It’ll never work unless we start colonizing space. Where will they put us all? The ubiquitous “they.” If only “they” were listening to me, the world would be on the right track. For instance, I could have saved people lots of time - so many studies have been funded to confirm the effects of socioeconomic status on school performance. Why didn’t “they” just ask me? Or any teacher?
Should I keep blogging or not? is it important that I say what I am thinking to the world? Not so much. Except when I get a comment about how much a particular blog helped someone deal with something, and then I’m in teacher mode. Helping just one person is enough. Teachers develop a warped sense of accountability. I mean, I can’t “help” students and strangers my whole life. Or can I? Is that what I should be doing with my time?
I don’t know. I think I’ll continue on with my lazy day, which also includes eating what I want when want. I’m on my own timetable, at least for a few more days.
Cyndi Lauper’s song says it well – the story of time:
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Ultimately, the discussion of time is circular by nature. Cyndi Lauper speaks of times remembered, but I always remember a line from Annie Dillard’s book The Maytrees: “Everyone envied her the time she had, not noticing that they had equal time.”
In response to Annie Dillard, I say I want more time, not equal time. So maybe I should be lazy more often, so time will drag, not fly.
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