Cleaning out the cobwebs – from my mind, from my studio, from my home

2010
02.06

I feel as if the last week didn’t exist.  From receiving the news of my former student’s death until today, my mind feels like it’s been stuffed with cobwebs.  It’s like I went through the motions: I had a couple of lunches out with friends, did a post or two, perhaps I even cooked a meal here and there.  Probably not, actually.  Went to my granddaughter’s soccer game, visited my parents, had lunch with my sister, coffee with my daughter.  None of it felt real. I felt like I was in the lyrics of that song from Midnight Cowboy, Everybody’s Talkin At Me.  Just substitute the word “cobwebs” for “echoes.”  I wasn’t hearing echoes, everything was getting trapped in cobwebs.

Everybody’s talking at me.
I don’t hear a word they’re saying,
Only the echoes of my mind.
People stopping staring,
I can’t see their faces,
Only the shadows of their eyes.

Yesterday was the memorial. The hall was overflowing, SRO for sure, everyone from parent’s friends to a slew of young people from Santa Barbara, where Mike went to college, and former high school and junior high buddies from here.  Former teachers, his junior high principal, neighbors, relatives.  Overwhelming.  (I was so glad I’d reviewed my yearbooks from those junior high teaching years – really helped me recognize kids I might not have otherwise.)

Three people spoke formally – the close family friend who also served as MC, Mike’s sister, and me.  Then it was open mic.  Some strong messages came through from all three of us who spoke formally – actions have consequences, serious ones.  If you need help, get it.  If you know someone who needs help, then help them get it if you can. I have a feeling that this message got through to a number of young people there.

I made a photo board of Mike’s jr. high years.  Lucky I’m a picture taker – and lucky I am organizing my photos!

It’s been rough.  But I get to move on, unlike Mike’s parents who will never be the same.

So today after I got it together, which did take a while, I put my mind to home.  Moving on to the next verse of the song.

I’m going where the sun keeps shining
Thru’ the pouring rain.

Strangely enough, we did have pouring rain today. To get to that place where the sun keeps shining, I needed order around me, so I organized.  Sometimes getting one’s surroundings ordered does a lot to order the mind.  I hadn’t unpacked yet from getting home from the cabin last Sunday, so I started in the studio.  Feels so much better to have everything back in place.  Took a few photos of the studio.  My husband helped me hang the Chinese dragon I bought last year in Paonia, CO when visiting my daughter there.  I really needed a Chinese dragon, didn’t I?  I thought so.  It’s in the back right corner of the room.

It was the grandkid’s playroom but now it’s my playroom.  We’ve got a “mini playroom” going for them in another room.  Those are the grandkid’s names stenciled on the wall.

Notice the name Daxton in this photo.  I’m going to write about the adventure that name is about to take me on!  Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe in a couple of days I can get back to work.  Catch up on my journal.  Finish that dratted photo-organizing project.  Get a routine going.

So I did shake some cobwebs loose in my mind just by getting stuff cleaned up around me.  Perhaps my posts will be a little more inspired from now on, but at least I’m doing one.  Getting back into a routine of sorts.  Routine is important.  I think the fact that my mother always had good habits and regular routines has helped  slow her descent into dementia.  Didn’t stop it, but I know it was important.

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4 Responses to “Cleaning out the cobwebs – from my mind, from my studio, from my home”

  1. Oh, wow. Cobwebs. Love. Love. Love to you.

    You know all the wisdom I could possibly offer…. and know you are in my thoughts today, and tomorrow, and the next.

  2. what a lovely, inviting studio – i mean, playroom – you have there, sugar. i am such an avid believer in physical process (like clearing and organizing, for example) to assist in the emotional/mental process. also have a notion that physical space is often a reflection of inner spaces. you’ve had a rough week. hoping studio/playroom time is salve for your soul.

  3. nancy t says:

    The loss of a young person brings an inconceivable amount of pain. Healing is slow, but sure. Bless you for your contributions and caring to this young man and his family. nancy

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